We talk a lot about sex. But what do we really talk about? Maybe about whom we had sex with, what we did, or where. But we rarely talk about the more interesting stuff. Those beliefs we have but we’re afraid to share, or questions we never ask. I think this is because there are still so many taboos around sex.
That’s why I think it’s time to talk about sexual myths. In this article I will explain some of the 5 biggest myths about sex that I see in my sessions.
1. All women can have an orgasm through penetration
This is a widespread belief. However, it is not true. Don’t worry if you’ve never had an orgasm through penetration. Only 30% of all women is able to orgasm through penetration. The rest of women need clitoral stimulation to be able to orgasm. The funny thing is that a vaginal orgasm is actually also a clitoral orgasm. How come?
The clitoris is relatively big. The back of the clitoris reaches the vaginal wand. This is why during penetration you can feel a pleasurable sensation. Logically though, the front part of the clitoris has way more nerve endings than the back part. That’s why it’s easier and more frequent to have a clitoral orgasm.
2. If you love your partner enough, you should know what he/she likes
This is one of those thoughts that we don’t speak about. It is similar to: “good sex should happen magically”. We usually think that it is stupid not to know how to please our partner. Or that it’s annoying for our partner to hear that he/she could change something. This is why many people struggle to have passionate sex.
But knowing what our partner likes has nothing to do with how much we love him. Sex is like learning a new language. You have to get to know the words to form a phrase. And you have to expand your vocabulary to reach the other person. To know what your partner likes you have to ask him/her and get to know him/her better. Every person is different and every person has different tastes and a different body. And talking about these things can be very exciting. Your partner might be happy you bring up the subject!
3. Men are always in the mood
Many women think that men are always in the mood. However, as for women this is not true. Men, just like women have ups and downs in their sexual desire. That’s why I think it’s time to take away some of the pressure on men. Men can also feel just like hugging or cuddling. And they have feelings too! They can be tired, moody or they might just want to do other things.
Moreover, it’s also possible for women to have a bigger desire than men. I think that the important thing is to discuss your wishes with your partner and try to make it work together.
4. I should give my partner sex
Hearing this phrase makes me feel really bad. I think it parts from so many wrong premises; The fact that sex is not enjoyable for you. The fact that sex is a right. Sex should be enjoyable for the both of you. If you feel like this is something you should give to your partner, you’re definitely not having fun. Also, please remember that your body is yours and yours only.
Though I think it’s important to ask yourself why you’re not enjoying sex right now. Maybe you can make some changes to improve this. For example you could agree with your partner on the things you like or the timing you both prefer. However, if sex hasn’t been good for you for a while, it might be a good idea to see a sex therapist.
What is important to know though, is that sometimes it does work to fake it (your mood that is) until you make it. Sometimes we don’t feel like having sex but when we’re at it for a while, our body and mind respond and we can still have a good time. Try to figure out what is the cause of your lack of desire and try to work on improving it. A sex therapist can help you with this.
5. Coming simultaneously is the best (and only) way to come
This is one of those myths that has been going around forever. In nearly every movie and every book you’ll see the protagonists coming on the same time. This is not reality though. First of all, it is not easy to come on the same time. You would have to plan it carefully. And also, most people differ in the amount of time they need to orgasm. So one of you would have to wait. This could just become a little bit artificial.
Second of all, there is really no benefit to coming together. Trying to come at the same moment takes your attention away from enjoying the moment. I think this is such a shame, and I think we should really ban this myth.
Let’s break the taboos!
Like I said in the beginning of this article, there are still many taboos around sex. I find it my mission is my mission to talk about them and discuss them openly. I hope you found the article helpful. Feel free to share it!
If you would like to ask questions about sex in a taboo free environment, feel free to call me for a free 15-minute phone consultation on +34 626 653 339, or send an e-mail through the contact form.